Playlist: 2010

As Annie and I make a little dinner before bopping around to a couple New Year's Eve shindigs, we're rocking out to a pretty decent mix of our 2010 favorites. Hide and Seek - Imogean Heap

*Kings and Queens - 30 Second to Mars

*Just a Dream - Nelly

Better Days - Goo Goo Dolls

Don't Stop Believing - Journey

Go Your Own Way - Fleetwood Mac

Young Forever - Jay-Z

*Airplanes - B. O. B.

*Hey Soul Sister - Train

*Crossfire - Brandon Flowers

Empire State of Mind - Jay-Z

Lose Yourself - Eminem

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - U2

*Billionaire (featuring Bruno Mars) - Travie McCoy

This Ain't A Scene, It's an Arms Race - Fall Out Boy

My Way - Frank Sinatra

Human - The Killers

Lead of Love - Caedmon's Call

(* denotes new obsession in 2010)

As the final notes of 2010 play out and the opening verse of 2011 is upon us, I wish all the best to you and hope the New Year is as much you can handle and you rise to the challenge.

There is nothing better than that.

Hurt

Originally performed by Nine Inch Nails. Covered by Johnny Cash late in his career, one of his best and most moving songs that depicts the idea that it is often the pain in our lives that reminds us of our humanity and the never ending struggle to tame our most challenging and lethal foe: our self.

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I hurt myself today, To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain, The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole, The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away, But I remember everything

[Chorus:]
What have I become, My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away,In the end
And you could have it all, My empire of dirt
I will let you down.
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns, Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts, I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time, The feelings disappear
You are someone else, I am still right here

[Chorus:]
What have I become, My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away, In the end
And you could have it all, My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again, A million miles away
I would keep myself, I would find a way

Can't Live it Down

As has become a tradition for me on Sunday morning, after church and a good workout, I put in Dierks Bentley's "Live from the Filmore" concert and rock out while making an omelet and sipping my second Venti Drip, Black.
Each time I listen through the entire concert, a different song and its lyrics will jump out at me. I have made the claim before that Dierks entire album may have been written after reading my journal as it just may capture my perspective on life better than most. This morning's song is called "Can't Live it Down." Enjoy.

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I've been called a rambler
'Cause I keep my eyes on that horizon line
And I've been called a gambler
'Cause I always wanna let my winnings ride
I've been broke more times than I can count
I've been stuck for days in a lonely town
When my luck ran south

Chorus:
Hey I might be makin' me a reputation
Of goin' my own way and
I can't live it down
Got the throttle wide open gonna live it up knowin'
In this life you only
Get one go around
And I can't live it down

There's times I've wasted money
'Cause I know that I can always make more cash
But wasted time is something man
When it's gone you can't get it back
So I'll go on burnin' up both ends
'Cause I don't want a whole lot of might've-beens
Now that would be a sin

Gonna live for place I ain't been
Make a lot of good remember-whens
Right up to the end

I can't live it down

Wrestle With This

I haven't seen the movie, but I do plan on it. But the song by Bruce Springsteen is terrific. Sounds like the soundtrack of a broken and humble man that has not lost the fire or the spark or the hope of better days ahead.

Have you ever seen a one trick pony in the field so happy and free?
If you've ever seen a one trick pony then you've seen me
Have you ever seen a one-legged dog making its way down the street?
If you've ever seen a one-legged dog then you've seen me

Then you've seen me, I come and stand at every door
Then you've seen me, I always leave with less than I had before
Then you've seen me, bet I can make you smile when the blood, it hits the floor
Tell me, friend, can you ask for anything more?
Tell me can you ask for anything more?

Have you ever seen a scarecrow filled with nothing but dust and wheat?
If you've ever seen that scarecrow then you've seen me
Have you ever seen a one-armed man punching at nothing but the breeze?
If you've ever seen a one-armed man then you've seen me

Then you've seen me, I come and stand at every door
Then you've seen me, I always leave with less than I had before
Then you've seen me, bet I can make you smile when the blood, it hits the floor
Tell me, friend, can you ask for anything more?
Tell me can you ask for anything more?

These things that have comforted me, I drive away
This place that is my home I cannot stay
My only faith's in the broken bones and bruises I display

Have you ever seen a one-legged man trying to dance his way free?
If you've ever seen a one-legged man then you've seen me

My Life as told by iTunes

I organized my over 1000 songs by "play count" this morning and listen from the most played down to the least played. After listening to my top ten I was struck with what an frightening candid story they tell of my year thus far. Frightening in the sense that it was my subconscious that was drawn to the plot that seems to be ingrained in each song and the mood that they all put forth. It looks like my life is that of a modern day drifter grounded by his faith and fueled by each and every set back. I have the soul of a cowboy and the motivation of the kid from the wrong side of the tracks mixed with the aspirations of a superstar.

1 - Lot of Leaving Left to Do by Dierks Bentley
"This life I am bound to lead, ain't for the faint of heart..."
2- Shine On by Needtobreathe
"Can you see my hands are open, I am waiting just ahead. You think you need it all now, but you needed me instead."
3 - Rollin' by Limp Bizkit
"We got the game set, so don't complain yet, 24/7 never begging for a raincheck, old school soldiers blasting out the hotness..."
4 - My Savior My God by Aaron Shust
"Yes, living, dying, let me bring, my strength, my solace from this spring. That he who lives to my King, once died to be my Savior..."
5 - Twenty Four Fourteen by The Album Leaf
(instrumental genius)
6 - Don't Stop Believin' by Journey
"Working hard to get my fill, everybody wants a thrill; paying anything to roll the dice, just one more time. Some will win, some will lose, some where born to sing the blues..."
7 - Mr. Brightside - The Killers
"It's just the price I pay, destiny is calling me. Open up my eager eyes, 'cause I am Mr. Brightside."
8 - Number One by Nelly
"What does it take to be number one? Two is not a winner and three nobody remembers."
9 - Lose Yourself by Eminem
"Success is my only emmer effin option, failures not. So here I go its my shot, feet fail me not, this may be the only opportunity that I got..."
10 - When Your Mind's Made Up by Glen Hansard
"Then I'll come running to fight when there is something worth running for."

Borrowed Thoughts

Well, I fought with a stranger and I met myself
I opened my mouth and I heard myself
It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself
Guess I could have made it easier on myself

But I, I could never follow.
No I, I could never follow

Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
If you ever want to find me I can still be found

Taking the long way...Taking the long way around

(The long way around by the Dixie Chicks)

Stolen Words

Sometimes someone else writes exactly what I am feeling and by the good fortune of flipping through the radio stations on my way back to the office I happen to find it.
Leaving a my networking lunch meeting there could not have been more timely words.
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I had nothing to say and i get lost in the nothingness inside of me.
(i was confused)
And i live it all out to find, but I'm not the only person with these things in mind.
(inside of me)
But all that they can see the words revealed is the only real thing that i got left to feel.
(nothing to lose)
Just stuck hollow and alone and the fault is my own and the fault is my own.

I wanna heal i wanna feel what i thought was never real.
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long,
Erase all the pain til its gone.
I wanna heal i wanna feel like I'm close to something real.
I wanna find something I've wanted all along,
Somewhere i belong .

And i got nothing to say. I cant believe i didn't fall right down on my face.
(i was confused)
Look at everywhere only to find, it is not the way i had imagined it all in my mind.
(so what am i)
What do i have but negativity cause i cant trust no one by the way everyone is looking at me
(nothing to lose)
nothing to gain I'm hollow and alone and the fault is my own and the fault is my own

I will never know myself until i do this on my own,
Cause i will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed.
I will never be anything until i break away from me,
I will break away.
I'll find myself today.

(Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong)

What you want

You're softer than a cannon blastBut your effects much longer last And I want you just like a hole in my head But I need you like a meal and a bed And you say, "Come on, I'm not what you're after." But I know you're not just anyone, anyone

(chorus) But I'm not what you want No, I'm not anyone But if you needed me Then I could be someone

And you're an army in a horse And you have taken me by force And all the freedom in this world could not resist The sweet temptation of your sweet elusiveness So I say "Come on!" as the gate swings open Cause I know you're not just anyone, anyone

(bridge) And the lie's always cheaper than the truth But the lie's all I've ever known of you Maybe none of this is true

Caedmon's Call - Long Line of Leavers