I didn't mean to bring them with me, I didn't even know they were there as I packed the last of my things into a rented car and drove away from what had been my life, my home, and my marriage for the last time. I didn't know that they'd stowed away in a prized possession, choosing a cherished relic from my past as their transportation into my future. I didn't know until I'd already unpacked and started to settled into what was new. I didn't know until they made themselves very known to me and to those around me.
Now, first, a little back story: I love my coffee maker. Heck, I've even dedicated an entire blog to how much I like it. It made it into a recent interview I did, it is a focal point of more than a couple of my illustrations to make a point in my speeches I give. It is more than just a coffee maker, it is a way of life. So when it became the thing that sabotaged my future by bringing unwanted stowaways from the past, I was even more upset than a roach problem in my kitchen would normally make me.
That's right, apparently just as I was moving out of my old apartment and beginning the quest to move on with my life, the summer heat had caused a family of roaches to burrow in the backside crevices of my pristine and beautiful pride and joy. I didn't know about the roach problem at my old place until later, but found I'd brought it with me into my new home and more quickly than I could have even imagined, they were on display for my new roommate. At first, the thought was maybe they'd come in with a recent load of fresh produce or snuck through the kitchen window (on the 4th floor) and a couple of other generous hunches from my roomie. But their origin point at the time of sighting, was always close to my newly reprogramed and set up addition to his kitchen.
Just to be safe, I cleaned the hell out of it.
Just to be clear, those roaches didn't care and started to multiple.
And that's when I knew, if I was going to move forward, I had to say goodbye to one of the last remaining totems of my past. And so like Walter White in his lab or Dexter Morgan following Harry's rules, I covered anything and everything about that coffee maker in clear plastic bags and deposited it at the furthest trash can down the block. I watched as the filter system and carafe bounced off the bottom of the bin with a hint of sadness, but also with a sense of closure,
It wasn't fair to bring my favorite thing from a previous time forward and expect it would fit into what would become my future. It wasn't fair to the new people in my life to ask them to leave it allow for old time sake, despite its adverse affect on their world. It was something from the past that carried an infestation that had no regard for the future and it had to go.
A few years later, I look back on that coffee maker with a different kind of fondness. It was right when it was right, but then when it wasn't, it really wasn't and moving on was the right thing to do for everyone going forward. So often we try and disguise what we carry forward as something that people in our new life or in our future just have to understand and tolerate, but so often, those things we hold onto the dearest are the ones that end up being seen by others as a place for the icky things of our past.
Moving on is what's best for everyone. It doesn't mean you have to stop liking coffee, it just means you no longer have to brew it with the chance of an antenna floating to the top.