Learning What I Know

My self esteem is fine. It has been intact in a remarkably consistent way for a very long time. Even when hard things are hard, it's still chugging along with the enthusiasm of a fourth grader getting the gold star on their homework.  And some where in there is the ability to suspend the disbelief that I have something to say that other people want to hear. 

No really, whenever I am invited to speak at an event or give an interview, my mind races to think of something I know that everyone else doesn't. My assumption is that there are only a few things I know that others don't. But, when I go back and watch a talk I've given or read something that someone else writes about something I said, I am confusingly surprised that my point of view isn't already widely known or understood. 

And that is why I keep writing and I keep saying yes to speaking opportunities. Because in the preparation and the free flow of words in that medium, I start to see patterns and ingest feedback on the unique approach that life has afforded me. Most of the time I don't know what I know until I am asked to speak about it. And when I speak or write, all of the inputs over the years come together in a sentence that I am proud of, a culmination of memories and details that hadn't crossed my mind since they occurred. 

It is in sharing what I know, that I find myself learning what I know. And that seems like a good reason to keep sharing.