Expectations - Aren't expectations an absolute bother? If I could go through the rest of life without expectations do you think that that would mean I would never be disappointed in the outcome? I would never leave a movie thinking, "That's not how I thought it would end." Or finish a steak dinner wondering if that is the best it could have been. Or reach a monumental point in life and never think "I always thought I would be some where else by now." What if we had no expectations of others but merely took everyone as they came and were completely satisfied? Would that be satisfying? Would that meet the expectations that you have just conjure up in your mind while reading this?
I have been haunted by expectations for my entire life. My expectations for myself and for those around me are almost the exclusive reason for any discontent or any negative emotion in my life. Everything along those lines seems to find its root in an unfulfilled expectation. But when it comes to expectations of oneself, the disappointment and the sadness can rarely be communicated in a way that anyone else can truly understand.
When I was a senior in high school... (The contestability comes from my friends that attended public and private schools and the fact that I was home schooled. Whether or not the term senior, or any term for 'normal school’ would apply to me has been hotly contested over the years. )... I went to a concert with a large group of my friends (and I wasn't related to them all, home schooled kids have friends too). The headlining band was Jars of Clay and I was pumped because we were sitting second row and they were at the time my favorite band. They introduced a new song in that concert that later was released on the Prince of Egypt sound track. The song was called "Everything in Between" and had a line that really resonated with me and still does: "It's not as easy as it seems to carry the weight of your dreams up high on your shoulders." When this line was repeated through out the song it really hit me how heavy dreams and expectations had weighed in on me.
This week that same line has been running through my head over and over. I have never lacked for the ability to dream and to dream big enough to inspire myself and others around me that the future is looking good. But when it actually comes time to make things happen and to put into action the dreams that I have, they always seem to turn out a little smaller or turn up a little later than I expected. And if I didn't have those darn expectations I wouldn't have to worry.
I hope this blog lived up to your expectations.